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Advice Goddess
| Advice Goddess: Only 'male enhancement’ needed here is to size of mind | ||||||||||||||||||||||
| By Amy Alkon, Special to Get Out | ||||||||||||||||||||||
| November 1, 2007 | ||||||||||||||||||||||
So, in a perfect world, the first time you had sex, your wife would’ve announced, “As man-tools go, yours is one of those little eyeglass screwdrivers.” Instead, she pronounced you “perfect” — a cruel lie. Worse yet, she claims she’s satisfied with you and says your size doesn’t matter. Actually, it seems pretty clear it does — except the problem isn’t a small penis, but the fact that you’re acting like a big pinhead. Your wife tried to be sweet by reassuring you, “Bigger is nice, but I like being with you,” and you’re acting like she’s erected an altar in her head to The Big One, The Really Big One and Whoa, Don’t Hurt Me With That Thing. How dare she compare you to any other man! Are you for real? Sorry to bust up your fairy-tale idea of human nature, but people assess what works for them, in part, by comparison: Bigger, smaller, better, good enough, hasn’t behaved this idiotically in years. Hey, doofus! With all those Big Biffys out there, she married you. So, if you’re not exactly big, apparently you’re big enough. And a little something else to consider: While most of the sex problems I get are from couples in flannel pajamas and separate beds at the 3.5-year mark, you and your wife are still doing it at year 35. (Or, rather, were. Good move, sailor!) Adding to the ridiculousness: “Male enhancement” pills don’t even work. Well, that’s not entirely fair. They do increase size — of the bank accounts, number of resort homes and fleets of yachts of the people selling them. But as urologist Dr. Irwin Goldstein told Nutrition Action Healthletter, “There’s no pill, prescription or otherwise, that will make a penis longer.” Probably the most effective “male enhancement” is confidence: thinking of yourself as a MINI Cooper among men — small but surprisingly powerful and great on the curves. And then, of course, there’s not acting like a vengeful, passive-aggressive weenie when your wife’s doing her best to let you know you’re loved and wanted. Now, be a big man in the way that counts, and apologize. Be grateful that she knows you don’t measure how much of a man a guy is by sticking a ruler down his tighty-whities. I was angered by your response to “Not the Mama,” supporting this horrible girl who was put off by dating a single father. She should consider herself lucky she found an involved dad. If she isn’t woman enough for him, send him and his daughter my way. I actually have the capacity to love, understand, appreciate, and accept. — Single Mother of Three Amazing Children Stalin. Hitler. Pol Pot. Twenty-five-year-old girls who want dates, not play dates. As “horrible” people go, perhaps, in her case, it’s a bit much to start lighting candles and reciting, “First they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew …” What I find horrible is your contention that an “involved dad” is some kind of rare animal, like the white rhino. Frankly, this girl wouldn’t even be horrible if she admitted to finding kids merely loud, sticky and expensive. But, she doesn’t hate children; at this point in her dating life, she just favors the unborn kind. Recognizing that is a good thing. As for your capacity to love, understand, appreciate and accept, feel free to extend it to a girl whose idea of child-proofing her house happens to be stocking up on contraception. Contact Amy Alkon by email. |
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