Baseball retiree comedy ‘Buzzard Ball’ garners laughs
By CHRIS PAGE
Get Out

Judging by the audience at Saturday’s performance of “Buzzard Ball” — a first play by Scottsdale’s Alexx Stuart about a hapless team of seniors’ softball players, now running thanks to the Desert Foothills Theater — it’s a hit, right out of the ballpark.

Then again, half the folks seated were from the Valley softball league where Stuart got some of his best bits.
They immediately recognized the characters who make up the team known ominously as The Vultures — including the fat guy (played by Kevin Young), the senile old man (Aaron Kemp) and the guy with the trophy bride who shows up to games all big-hair-and-jiggly-bosom (Hank Cipolaro’s the guy, Elizabeth Peterson provides the jiggle and the ’do).

And the ball guys got the sports references (George Steinbrenner, the intricacies of playing outfield), whereas my knowledge of baseball is only informed merely by too many stagings of “Damn Yankees!”

In many ways, and pardon my attempt at sports metaphors, “Buzzard Ball” fits like a well-oiled glove for a particularly local audience, what with its jokes about rush-hour traffic on the 101 and Cave Creek city government. Stuart populates his team with retirees who left hectic jobs for sunny Arizona, only to attack seniors’ softball with the same kind of passion they had at the office. So when the losing Vultures finally recruit a winning newcomer, Sonny (Walt Pedano, the team’s “hunk”), into their ranks, the resulting victories almost implode the team.

Along the way to the championships, “Buzzard Ball” examines the lives of the softball wives, the ones who support their husbands from the bleachers with knitting projects, blowup seat cushions and Tupperware’d snacks.

Because it’s a first play by Stuart, it suffers from the usual beginner’s problems. For one, it’s much too long. The conclusion feels like butt-numbing double-overtime, and at two hours long, “Buzzard” could be clipped to a much more manageable 1 hours easy. And it feels like Stuart stuck too close to the standard story arc of sports movies, all the way down to the injured player — everything except the game-winning ball knocked in slow motion.

But then again, “Buzzard” cares more about jokes, with its soft-pitch setups and punted punch lines. Interspersed throughout, though, are enough genuinely funny gags to keep the show from feeling like just a copy of a television sitcom: like when Kielbasa (the fat guy) gets a scrape on his leg from sliding to base, and his teammates joke that the wound looks a bit like the Virgin Mary. Says Sonny, “Can you make it cry?”

OK, so “Buzzard Ball” ain’t exactly ready for the major leagues. But just as watching a game of senior’s softball carries its own distinct kind of joy, so does Stuart’s rough-hewn little gem. It’s a rib-tickler for sure. Even if you didn’t get any of my sports references.































 
 


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