GetOut Magazine

Get Out goes ghetto-fab with our favorite Valley dives

Dive shouldn't be a dirty word.

At least not in today's corporatized culture, where the corner coffee shop is a Starbucks, kids meet at the Barnes & Noble instead of the library, and the neighborhood Italian restaurant is an Olive Garden.

In the face of such sanitized mediocrity, a good dive — like a pizzeria with the best pepperoni pie in town but the sketchiest bathrooms this side of “Trainspotting” — can be a refreshing reprieve from mass-produced McPap.

Plus, let's face it, you'll always usually save a few bucks divin' it.
Which is why we've taken a cue from Earl Hickey, the scruffy redneck antihero of NBC's hit sitcom “My Name Is Earl,” and rounded up a list of our favorite hole-in-the-wall joints in the East Valley. The places we like to go more often than we'd normally admit.

But what makes a great dive? It's usually a place that does one thing (and usually only that one thing) sublimely well — sometimes to the exclusion of things like cleaning the floors or updating its decades-old interior. It's a joint usually housed in a ramshackle building, seedy strip mall or skeezy neighborhood.

It's the kind of place that, oozing with come-as-you-are character, survives by its regular customers and word-of-mouth.

It's an underdog never destined for the best-of lists.

Until now.

Here, we ask, W.W.E.D.I.T.E.V.? (What Would Earl Do in the East Valley?), as the top local dives get their due.

Night life

DIVE BAR TO GET YOUR DRINK ON
Palo Verde Lounge
1015 W. Broadway Road, Tempe

The pale brick building that houses the small and intimate Palo Verde, known as “The P.V.” to regulars, is anything but inviting. You've probably driven past it dozens of times and never noticed it was there. Heck, why would you? This place is a dive in the worst possible way — but also charming in an unexplainable way. You'll find peeling paint, old pool tables and a jukebox. And that's as glitzy as it gets. But the crowd, which is often made up of several regulars from older cowboys to Gwen Stefani wannabes to bikers and tattooed and pierced college kids, doesn't seem to mind. The bar often reeks of a strange aroma that could be blamed on some of the patrons' choice to eschew deodorant.

DIVE LIVE MUSIC CLUB

Yucca Tap Room
29 W. Southern Ave., Tempe

At the Yucca Tap Room there is, ironically, no beer on tap. But you can get cold cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon while you enjoy the finest local bands the Valley has to offer. The Yucca's mantra is “The Best Dive You'll Ever Take,” and this little joint located in a Tempe strip mall is renowned for its friendly service, patrons of all ages (retired regulars Pat and Jeannie rub elbows on the dance floor with ASU frat kids boys), a great sound system, one of the best jukeboxes in the East Valley (which holds a smattering of local bands) and rock karaoke (sing with a live band!) every Thursday night.

DIVE DANCE DESTINATION

The Rogue Bar
423 N. Scottsdale Road, Scottsdale

Not a dance club in the traditional sense, the “Shake” night on Saturdays features DJ William (expletive) Reed spinning a diverse mix of tunes from Bloc Party to Billy Idol to the Beach Boys. It's enough to make The Rogue's pierced patrons, well ... “shake” it. The night's burgeoning popularity could make for a long wait at the bar, so take a look at the creepy, kind of out-of-place movies playing on the tube.

DIVE BOWLING ALLEY

Country Club Bowl
140 N. Country Club Drive, Mesa

While all bowling alleys have done away with hand-scribbled scoring in favor of automated, computer tallying, it is nice to find a bowling alley that looks like it would be home to Fred Flintstone and his band of bowling Water Buffaloes. The building is pure googie architecture heaven — a remnant of the '50s and '60s — equipped with hard angles, bold, colorful signage and sweeping cantilevered roofs and jagged overhangs that contains a restaurant, a pro shop and a host of cheap lanes to bowl the night away retro style.

Arts & entertainment

DIVE DRIVE-IN MOVIE THEATER

Scottsdale Six Drive-In

Just east of Hayden Road on the south side of McKellips Road on the Salt River Pima-Maricopa Indian Community625 N. Hayden Road,

The drive-in movie theaters that dotted the American landscape in the '50s and '60s have gone the way of the TV antenna. Fortunately, the East Valley still has one left — and what a glorious dive it is. At the Scottsdale Six Drive-In, moviegoers pay by the car, so stuff as many friends as possible into one vehicle, bring a bag of hamburgers and some tasty beverages and enjoy first-run films under the stars. And, oh yeah — the snack bar looks like a grass hut. How cool is that?

DIVE COMEDY CLUB

Mardi Gras
8040 E. McDowell Road, Scottsdale

Unlike the chic Tempe Improv, south Scottsdale's Mardi Gras is small, dingy and extremely divey. If you're unaware of its location, the bar, which attracts an eclectic crowd of bikers to and young punk rockers, is easy to pass. The windowless club offer patrons two options — a room with a sweet jukebox and bar and another room with a small stage for comedy and live music. And though you won't find Dane Cook or Lewis Black taking the stage, you'll find up-and-coming comics trying hard to make you laugh.

DIVE STRIP MALL THEATER

Desert Rose Theatre
1320 W. University Drive, Mesa

Strip mall theater gets a bad name — and usually rightfully so. But just as the Scottsdale Desert Stages Theatre proved before it skipped stripsville for swankier stand-alone digs, sometimes the best stuff comes from the diviest of places. Take Mesa's Desert Rose Theatre, for example. Plucky actress/director Katherine Stewart's sparse playhouse — tucked away in a gritty, half-abandoned strip mall — puts on low-budget, wonderful stagings of theater classics, from Shakespeare to Oscar Wilde, for low, low ticket prices. Just don't blanch if you see a cockroach make a cameo onstage.

DIVE USED BOOKSTORE

Bookmaster
2949 N. Scottsdale Road, Scottsdale
and
10818 N. Scottsdale Road, Scottsdale

With two Scottsdale locations, Bookmaster is a gloriously untidy used bookstore with high shelves full of just about any used books you'd ever want, from genre fiction to children's books to literature to science tomes. The south Scottsdale location is housed in a run-down strip mall that includes a tattoo parlor and a place that rents Harley-Davidsons. Paperbacks are in good condition and can be had on the cheap, and the friendly staff will help you pick through piles of books to find just what you're looking for.

DIVE RECORD SHOP

Eastside Records
217 W. University Drive, Tempe

Eastside may not have 200 copies (or any) of the new Pussycat Dolls CD, but it does have a variety of metal, punk, reggae or jazz genre oddities a discriminating music fan might be searching for. The shop also boasts a vast vinyl selection (from new releases to Carroll O'Connor novelty albums), plenty of local and national 'zines, and an assortment of nifty used turntables to play said wax.

DIVE GEEK HOT SPOT

Ash Avenue Comics
810 S. Ash Ave., Tempe

Nestled in the heart of old Tempe, this comic book store removes almost all — a little bit is part of the fun — of the unbearable geekiness that plagues most such shops. Recommended: Searching through the wide selection of graphic novels. Not recommended: Stumbling out of Casey Moore's inebriated and buying that issue of X-Men No. 37 hanging up on the wall.

Eating and drinking

DIVE MEXICAN

Susie's Mexican Café & Lounge
2405 E. University Drive, Tempe

In a word, Susie's is sketchalicious. The plastic menus are salsa-splattered, the vinyl booths are dotted with duct tape, sitting by the smudged wall can be a balancing act. And the place makes midday boozing tough to resist with its penny beer lunch special. But Susie's whips up the most scrumptious beans and rice in town as well as a dozen lunch specials under five bucks.

DIVE CHEESESTEAK

Greasy Tony's
921 E. University Drive, Tempe

When I called to ask if Greasy Tony's had a Web site, the guy on the other end said, “No, no, no, we're just regular old Greasy's. Nothin' fancy, honey.” That may be an understatement. This steamy spot is a shack, and I've never seen anyone eating here who wasn't a little tipsy. But these Jersey guys know cheesesteak. It's tasty any hour of the day.

DIVE GROCERY STORE
Food City

Several East Valley locations
If you're fed up with the overpriced food at Safeway and don't mind trekking to the 'hood for a little grocery shopping, check out Food City. We assure you, it's not nearly as scary as a trip down Phoenix's Van Buren. The discount stores — owned by the Bashas' grocery chain — cater primarily to Hispanic shoppers and offer low-priced ethnic foods and staples.

DIVE COFFEEHOUSE

Coffee Talk
48 N. Robson, Mesa

We've got nothing but love for Coffee Talk, a turn-of-the-century house in downtown Mesa transformed into a charming little java joint with antiques for sale throughout. But considering Coffee Talk's clientele — from those at its hilariously bad open-mic nights to the tattooed bikers and substance abuse support groups that gather meet there for regular meetings — it's one java joint that's as far away from Starbucks as you can get. Which, divey or no, gives Coffee Talk big points in our book.

DIVE WINE TASTING

Sun Devil Liquors
235 N. County Country Club Rd. Drive, Mesa

From the outside, it looks like just another squat, charmless booze bizarre where people go to get their Night Train and, possibly, shot. Go downstairs, however, and you'll find a cozy bar and cellar with an absolutely mind-blowing selection of fine wine and beers. On Friday from 6 to 8 p.m., the Sun Devil staff invites a wine distributor to host a simple tasting — nothing too elaborate, but not a bad way to start the weekend, either. And there's always the Night Train upstairs.

Life

DIVE CLOTHING SHOP

Plush
215 W. University Drive, Tempe

Shopping for a fancy outfit for a formal occasion? Well, don't go here. Looking for a fun outfit for a casual party? This is the place, with all sorts of hip and quirky fashion choices, like wacky T-shirts, goofy sunglasses, vintage wear and buckets of belt buckles.

DIVE ALTERNATIVE

TO HOT TOPIC
Shirts 'n' Things
1840 W. Southern Ave., Mesa

It may seem that the only way to score a cool Clash T-shirt these days is to sally forth to the mall and work your way past a gaggle of spiky-haired 12-year-olds. Not so. This venerable destination, located across the street from Mesa Community College, is bursting with band merch like T-shirts and posters and sundry items such as buttons, plus all things studded or leather.

DIVE HAIRCUT

NYC Barber Shop
822 S. Mill Ave., Tempe

Gotta love any barbershop that's both hard to find (it's in a scuzzy little retail space hidden behind a Mexican food joint) and has a Supercuts next door stealing away customers. But this loosely East Coast-themed snip shop gets by on good ol' word-of-mouth and a heaping helping of standard barbershop awesomeness: Straight-razor shaves, haircut styles illustrated by a poster on the wall, and a barber who knows you'd rather read your magazine than make small talk. Sure, the 'dos are never as good as you'd get at a salon, but what do you expect for 10 bucks and some change? Bring on the blue comb fluid.

DIVE STRIP CLUB

Fantasy Island Gentleman's Club
963 E. Curry Road, Tempe

Countless East Valley motorists have curiously eyed this gaudy burlesque establishment in their rearview mirrors. Isn't it high time you saw the tawdry goings-on from the inside? Hey, it's no Babe's, but if you can stand the sight of a stretch mark or two — and have almost exhausted your monthly lap-dance allowance — this down-market peep show might be your fantasy getaway for base, arms-at-your-sides thrills. Had skid row lit legend Charles Bukowski been into boobie-bars, this is where he would have gone.

DIVE YOGA

Vision Quest Metaphysical Bookstore
2225 N. Scottsdale Road, Scottsdale

Vision Quest has always long been the place to go when you've felt like curling up with a nice New Age tome. Did you know they it also offers bargain-basement yoga services? A four-week starter course runs only $36 and will school you in the mysterious, joint-limbering ecstasies of “kundalini”-style meditative stretching. That's good “ohm.”

DIVE GYM

Ultra Fitness
1933 E. University Drive, Mesa

You don't get a membership at Ultra Fitness to meet sexy singles or to show off your studly bod. You go because this gym panders hard — pathetically, even — for new members, and you can talk 'em down to a really good deal. Never mind that the locker rooms are creepy, several workout machines can be broken on any given night and the spa looks like a fungus crockpot. One Get Out staff member even got a breakout of funky green splotches on his legs from a classroom yoga mat. Yech! But at $17 a month with no annual contract? Let's get physical!

DIVE MOVIE THEATER

Tempe Cinemas
1825 E. Elliot Road

Who hasn't groused about the exorbitant cost of going to the movies? With that $4 Coke and $5 tub of popcorn, you're talking about a car payment. That's why Tempe Cinemas is such a godsend. Granted, you'll be watching second-run movies a good three to four months after their release (I believe the big title there right now is “The Truman Show”), but how can you argue with that flat $2 ticket price? On Tuesdays, it's even more insanely cheaper: $1.25 tickets and $1.29 refreshments. We'll pay that just for the air conditioning.

DIVE TATTOO PARLOR

Urban Art Tattoo & Piercing
340 W. University Drive, Mesa

The days of getting a crude, green ink tattoo in a dank biker tattoo parlor are thankfully over. Tattoo parlors are now practically ink salons, with sanitized surroundings and brand-new needles for every new tattoo. If you're thinking about your next tattoo, or your first, Urban Art Tattoo & Piercing in Mesa is the place to go. Don't let the run-down strip mall location scare you off: The artists are friendly, helpful and sympathetic when the going gets tough.

DIVE BOULEVARD

Apache Boulevard (Tempe)/Main Street (Mesa)

Back to the future! Rent a big ol' convertible Caddy and take a retro ride through the East Valley on Apache Boulevard/Main Street, where '50s Space Age architecture sits side by side with used-car lots, trailer parks and sparsely filled strip malls. Beginning south of University on Mill Avenue in ASU territory, Apache gets seedier the farther east it goes, with reputed ladies of the evening dotting the sidewalks at night, before turning into Main Street at Price Road, where old motels dating back to the '50s and '60s advertise cheap rates and free cable. By the time Country Club Drive pops up and the newly renovated Mayberry-esque downtown Mesa comes into view, the time warp is history.

- Compiled by Get Out staff writers Albert Ching, Chris Hansen Orf, Craig Outhier, Chris Page, Crystal Petrocelli