GetOut Magazine

'Hollywood Homicide' is horribly hokey
By THOMAS BOND
Get Out
June 12, 2003

A rap group is machine-gunned down at point-blank range in the beginning of Hollywood Homicide, but their corpses aren't riddled with nearly as many holes as the plot of this clichéd celluloid stinker.

Harrison Ford and Josh Hartnett star as Joe Gavilan and K.C. Calden, respectively, a mismatched pair of detectives assigned to the multiple-murder case. Their prime suspect is Antoine Sartain, a hip-hop music mogul who spent time in the slammer and runs his record label through intimidation.

The character, played stiffly by Isaiah Washington, is surely based on Death Row Records founder Suge Knight, who served a prison sentence and has been accused of similar tactics.

On the side, Gavilan is a real estate agent sinking financially because of bad deals, and Calden is a yoga instructor (to a class of women, naturally) who is trying to be an actor, but failing miserably. In real life, Hartnett is trying to be an actor with similar results. The hunky star is worse than Keanu Reeves on a bad day. Whether entering a Jacuzzi to join a naked woman or confronting his father's murderer, Hartnett wears the same hangdog expression. The entirety of his acting ability appears to be squinting his already narrow slits of eyes beneath tousled bangs.

Ford sleepwalks his way through the film as well, and why not? He's played so many heroes throughout his career he can do it in his sleep, and with scant competition from his co-star, the drowsy Ford is the life of the picture.

Hollywood Homicide is supposed to be a buddy movie, but the two stars interact as effectively as oil and water. That's surprising considering director, producer and co-writer Ron Shelton's previous work on Bull Durham and White Men Can't Jump. Though those films were based in the sports world, they revolved around the relationship of two male friends.

As bad as the character interaction is, the plot is worse. The detectives piece together a motive for Sartain's involvement in the murders based on hearsay from a witness's mother. Next thing you know, Gavilan's psychic girlfriend Ruby (the aging but still gorgeous Lena Olin) leads them to Beverly Hills, where Sartain and his henchman happen to drive by. With no evidence against him, the villain suddenly takes it on the lam for the obvious car chase sequence followed by a lot of gunfire with no casualties and mano a mano climactic combat on some rooftops. Hmmm, how original.

At one point in the film, Gavilan is helping his partner with his lines for A Streetcar Named Desire and derisively remarks, Who writes this stuff? My thoughts exactly.

While other film franchises such as Lethal Weapon and Beverly Hills Cop have successfully blended police drama and comedy, Hollywood Homicide falls on its face because it's neither very dramatic nor funny.

At the end of thes movie, a large metal trash receptacle figures prominently. Painted on it are the words "Hollywood waste." That's a perfect summation of this film.

Contact writer Thomas Bond at or .

Hollywood Homicide

Starring: Harrison Ford, Josh Hartnett
Playing: Opens Friday throughout the Valley
Rating: PG-13 (violence, sexual situations, profanity)
Running time: 1 hour, 51 minutes
Grade: D+