Tabloid ink sometimes equals box-office stink for spotlight celebsí
By BARRY KOLTNOW
Get Out

When the summer movie season ends, nobody is going to remember “Monster-in-Law.” The lucky ones are those who have forgotten it already.

By the end of the summer, discussion will focus on how the new “Star Wars” installment measured up at the box office against the previous five movies. We will be marveling at how “War of the Worlds” and “Batman Begins” battled it out in June, and what a surprise it was that Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn teamed for the summer’s biggest comedy, “Wedding Crashers.”

But no one will be talking about “Monster-in-Law.”

In fact, the only reason for anybody to even mention it now is that it made $23 million in its opening weekend. Those aren’t “Star Wars” numbers, but they’re certainly “Star Wars” numbers for a Jennifer Lopez movie.

The Queen of Turkeys (we could list all her flops, including “Gigli,” but why embarrass the woman?) hasn’t had the best luck when it comes to opening movies.

But “Monster-in-Law” had a respectable opening in a depressed market, and Lopez has to be considered a contributing factor, although some people would begrudge her even that, pointing instead to Jane Fonda as the reason so many people went to see the movie.

A case could certainly be made to include the very funny Wanda Sykes as a factor.

Frankly, I think there is someone else who deserves the credit for this movie’s success, and I can assure you it isn’t the writer or director.
It is Ben Affleck.

BEN THERE, DONE THAT

No, I have not taken leave of my senses. And my medication has not worn off.

It’s not Affleck’s acting ability (stop laughing!), but rather his absence, that I believe is responsible for the sudden upturn in Lopez’s box-office fortunes.

Without Affleck in her life, Lopez has become less of a tabloid sensation and more of a mere celebrity of interest.

Her change in box-office status gives credence to that show-business axiom: “When you dine at the tabloid table, you risk succumbing to box-office poison.”

Take Paris Hilton ... please.

Is there anyone hotter than this hotel heiress? The woman’s face and model-thin body are everywhere. You can’t turn a magazine page or drive by a billboard without seeing that crooked smile and come-hither look.

And yet, her first foray into movies — “House of Wax” — was less than auspicious. The producers even tried a reverse-psychology marketing attempt — handing out T-shirts emblazoned with the words “See Paris Die,” just in case you really hate this woman — and that didn’t work. Love her or hate her; it still adds up to zero in the movie biz.

The same goes for Britney Spears (“Crossroads”), Madonna (“Swept Away”), Jennifer Garner (“Elektra”), Hilary Duff (“A Cinderella Story”) and the Olsen twins (“New York Minute”).

Despite being at the height of their tabloid fame, none of these women could sell those particular movies. And this is not a phenomenon reserved for women. The aforementioned Affleck is a prime example. At one point, this guy was one of the most famous men on the planet, but people stayed away from his movies in droves.

TITILLATING TIDBITS

This flies in the face of another showbiz saying: “There is no such thing as bad publicity.” Apparently, there is.

It would seem that the fame generated by tabloids is not all it’s cracked up to be. One might conclude that the public’s insatiable appetite for candid photos and titillating tidbits about the private lives of their favorite stars does not translate into box-office revenue.

This might explain the instinct on the part of certain celebrities to run away from, rather than run toward, the paparazzi.

And this also might explain why Lopez finally ditched her partner in tabloid crime and found someone (singer Marc Anthony) who actually shuns the limelight. Judging from his infrequent public appearances, Lopez’s new husband is that rarest of celebrities — publicity shy.

That’s why he was the perfect choice for her movie career, although I am not implying that her motives were anything but romantic. Still, it was a smart career move.

And it certainly is a lesson that could be learned by the likes of Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Simpson, Tara Reid and the ubiquitous Miss Hilton. If you can’t marry well, at least party in private.

There was a time in the entertainment industry when it was believed that TV exposure could ruin an actor’s movie career because the public wouldn’t pay for what it can get elsewhere free.

That may have been true in the early decades of television, but it no longer holds true. Actors move back and forth between TV and film with impunity.

Perhaps the same will be said in the future about tabloid exposure, but for now the reality is that notoriety in the tabloids means anonymity in the theaters.































 
 


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