Wolfgang Petersen's "Troy" is a war epic that isn't afraid to show a little thigh. Much of it involves handsome men in hair- extensions — including Brad Pitt, Eric Bana and Orlando Bloom — trying to spear one another with javelins, swords and other pointy objects.

Still, it would be a mistake to dismiss "Troy" as a mere pretty-boy pony show. Inspired by Homer's "The Iliad" and related Greek legends, "Troy" movingly taps into timeless themes of love, vanity and sacrifice, while delivering a colossal, nerve-shredding spectacle of warfare that leaves you spent, satisfied and faintly — yet not unpleasantly — depressed.

If that sounds suspiciously like sex, well, duh. Essentially, Petersen (“The Perfect Storm”) and screenwriter David Benioff (“The 25th Hour”) have synthesized history's most famous act of forcible entry, one in which sex, passion and war blur into one. As any schoolboy knows, it begins with a romantic hijacking involving a couple of crazy kids named Paris (“Lord of the Rings” elf Bloom) and Helen (German newcomer Diane Kruger).

When Paris, the feminine, willful prince of Troy, spirits Helen, the intoxicatingly beautiful Queen of Sparta, away on his ship, it sits rather poorly with the King of Sparta, Menelaus (Brendan Gleeson), a middle-aged party animal who'd rather manhandle wenches than pay his wife the attention she deserves. His pride wounded, Menelaus turns to his brother, Agamemnon (Brian Cox from “X-Men 2”), the powerful king of the Mycenaeans who has devoted his life to promiscuously gobbling up Greek city-states, like some lustful lothario on the prowl. Under the pretext of restoring his brother's honor, Agamemnon marshals his considerable forces and sets sail for Troy, in what is now modern-day Turkey. Ruled by the just and elegant King Priam (Peter O'Toole) and defended by his eldest son, Hector (Eric Bana from “Hulk”), Troy sits behind massive, virginal walls that have never been breached by an invading army. Even some of Agamemnon's generals think she's impenetrable.

When the Greeks and their 1,000 warships (a bit too obviously computer- generated) finally touch ground, a nasty row breaks out — one that feels uncannily like a sports competition, complete with spectators and star athletes who dominate the field of play. Of these, none is more dominant than Achilles (Brad Pitt), a lightning-quick Greek warrior whose signature leap- and-thrust PlayStation death move spells the end to many-a-Trojan.

Achilles, depicted here as an early day publicity whore, detests Agamemnon but relishes the opportunity to etch his name in history. Agamemnon resents the younger man's impudence but knows he has little chance of victory without Achilles and his crack team of hand-trained warriors, the Myrmidons.

Filmed on beaches in Malta and Mexico, the battle scenes in "Troy" are nothing less than mind-boggling. Early on, a whole division of advancing Greeks crumple like gassed locusts under a barrage of falling arrows.

Later, Achilles and Hector face off in a balletic one- on-one sword fight that's simply a thing of choreographed beauty. Less impressive is conductor James Horner's scoring, a hodge-podge of generically ethnic mosque wailing (think “Black Hawk Down”) and some leftovers from “Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn,” which Horner also scored. Nestled between the bloodshed are some extraordinary specimens of actorly craft. O'Toole (“Lawerence of Arabia”) burns with fatherly grief in the scene where Priam appears in Achilles’ tent, pleading for the return of his son's body and Australian actress Rose Byrne (“I Capture the Castle”) gives a smart, fiery turn as Briseis, the beautiful Trojan captive whose trembling dignity drills a hole through Achilles' blood-stained cynicism.

Pitt flashes perhaps a little too much Pittitude as Achilles (that cheek-tic of his tends to yank him out of character) but his godly, bronzed swagger and crazed physical charisma steal the show. As the only American in the cast, his accent tends to stand out, but not ruinously — as a man with no allegiance except to his craving for eternal renown, Achilles is the ultimate outsider.

Inevitably, the Greeks put together their horse sense and stumble on a plan to penetrate Troy's defenses — thanks to Odysseus, played with appealing sarcasm by Sean Bean (“Patriot Games”) — leaving us to ponder the moral of this story in which the good guys get the shaft.

Among other things, the movie seems to be a warning about the perils of religious superstition (Priam is constantly following bad advice offered by his Apollonian priests) and a not-so-gentle admonishment that love doesn't always conquer all.

To say the least. Sometimes, it leaves you with an arrow in your foot.

Troy
Starring: Brad Pitt, Eric Bana, Peter O'Toole, Diane Kruger
Rating: R (graphic violence, some sexuality/nudity)
Running time: 165 min.
Grade: A-